Fake Out Stake Out
by san2007x1
Summary: A story about Hijikata staking out a certain place where Gintoki sometimes works. MERRY CHRISTMAS to my secret santa Strawwwberrylollipop's... or am i her secret santa? HOW DOES THAT WORK


******Strawwwberrylollipop**'s request is :  
"Request: A Gintama fanfiction!  
Characters: Hijikata, Gintoki (at least)  
Genre: Humor (not necessarily romance, but I don't mind that too)  
Words: 1000 (at least)  
Plot: (whatever you want!)  
*bows* thank you!"

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Author's Note: Sorry, it's been awhile since I made fanfiction. I'd never thought I'd see the day...

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Hijikata was on a stake out mission. He would have sent Yamazaki in instead, but..-

***flashback***

"ANPAN SPARKING!" Yamazaki yelled as anpan suddenly splattered all over Hijikata's face without warning.

***flashback over***

(cont.)…it seems like Yamazaki wasn't feeling well.

Anyways, the guy he was staking out was apparently a Joui from Los Santos*** **who goes by the name of CoD Ghost*****. Hijikata had some huge doubts about the accuracy of the information he had, tho. Really HUGE doubts. After all, the information was given to him during the hype of the QS3*****. A vein popped on Hijikata's forehead.

'_I should have banned game consoles in the headquarters._'

Just then, a person popped out of the place, named the 'clubhouse,' that he was watching. Hijikata quickly leaned back, successfully concealing himself in the shadows like a pro. He pulled out a hotdog and began pouring some mayonnaise on it, all this without making a sound. His eyes never strayed away from the target.

'_It's just a woman_,' Hijikata told himself with disappointment. He was about to ignore her when another woman walked up to her from inside the clubhouse.

"Hello, Cod Ghost!" the young woman greeted the other woman casually.

'_THAT WAS REALLY HER NAME?!_' Hijikata refused to believe it.

"Are you heading back to Los Santos?" she continued.

'_YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME_!' Hijikata exclaimed, not noticing that he was spilling his mayonnaise on the ground.

He then put his mayo bottle away and began to focus 100% on the woman with more interest. It was difficult to hear the conversation between the women, but he knew it was just super casual and short. After the young woman left, the other woman began to act weird. She was being suspicious. She looked around to see if anyone was looking while she held her hand into her pocket.

'_I got her,_' Hijikata told himself. He braced himself, waiting for the moment to run in there to arrest her. When the woman felt that the coast was clear, she pulled out a compact mirror and started putting some lipstick on, albeit poorly. '_Or not…_'

The woman looked around once more. Hijikata became tense once again… until she pulled out a hair brush and started brushing her hair.

Hijikata calmed down and let out a sigh.

The woman's hair kept getting stuck. It ended with her slamming the brush on the ground and stepping on it. This didn't strike Hijikata as suspicious, though. That is, until the woman looked around again. Hijikata was doubtful, but still braced himself for what the woman was about to pull out.

She pulled out a rocket launcher.

Hijikata let out another sigh, looked away, and began to light a cigarette.

'_Aa, it's just a…_' Hijikata stopped and looked back. '_IT'S A FRIGGIN' ROCKET LAUNCHER!_'

The woman didn't seem threatening. She had the rocket launcher at rest, which was a perfect opening. Without a second thought, Hijikata dropped his cigarette, pulled out his sword and charged at the woman.

"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" Hijikata yelled at the top of his lungs. He swung his sword at the rocket launcher, aiming to slice it in half and maybe also the woman. To his surprise, he missed. The woman was able to dodge the sword by pulling back in the nick of time, but it ended with her losing her balance and falling to the ground.

"*ABUNAI!" she yelled. "I KNEW someone was watching me. It was YOU, you bastard!"

"Eh?" Hijikata paused. That woman's voice was awfully familiar. He look back at her. By this time, she had stood back up.

"YOU…!" Hijikata managed to say. He was surprised. "I should have known it was you, you permed haired bastard."

"Eh? Hijikata?" the woman, aka Gintoki or 'Pakko,' responded. After a moment of realizing who it was, Gintoki panicked and tried to change his voice to as girly and unrecognizable as possible. "D-Do I know you?"

"Too late," Hijikata said,sticking another cigarette into his mouth and pulling out his handcuffs. "I already know your secret."

"Nono nonono no! It's not what you think!" Gintoki defended as he backed away from Hijikata, who was trying to handcuff him.

"You have 10 seconds to explain," Hijikata demanded. He began to countdown.

"OK, let me see… This okama***** bar was short staffed. Since I'm the Yorozuya, I was hired here-…"

"No, not that. How did you get this weapon?" Hijikata interrupted and pointed at the weapon, that had been dropped on the ground during Gintoki's fall. "And why do you have that strange name?"

"Sou-"

"Ok, enough," Hijikata was annoyed now. He put his handcuffs away. If Sougo was involved, he didn't need to know the rest of the story.

"LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCES, WHY DON'T YOU?!" Gintoki yelled.

"Ok, we're done here. Your innocent. Now shoo," Hijikata told Gintoki, giving him a 'go away' gesture.

"Oi, I work here, you're the one that should shoo! Now shoo!"

"I need to at least interview the people inside.-"

Before Hijikata could decide to go inside, Gintoki was already blocking the doorway.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata asked. He was now curious to what was in there.

"Shinpachi!" Gintoki blurted out. "Y-you see, we had the same -jjob. You don't want to destroy that poor little boy's i-image, r-right?"

Hijikata looked at Gintoki's panicked face. He wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or lying. Tho he didn't believe that Shinpachi would do a job like this. What else could Gintoki be hiding? Better yet, **who **could he be hiding?

"Don't worry, I'll pretend I don't know him," Hijikata reassured him. After all, he had nothing against Shinpachi. Hijikata moved toward the bar again.

Gintoki was about to intervene again, until the door began to open. It was another woman leaving the bar. Gintoki froze.

'_Was he trying to hide this person from_ _me?_' Hijikata wondered. He had noticed that Gintoki wasn't trying to block the door anymore.

"And you are?" Hijikata asked the woman.

"How rude. Introduce yourself before demanding another person's name," the woman scolded Hijikata. She sighed and looked at Gintoki. "Kids these days… Isn't that right, Cod Ghost?"

"Aa," Gintoki nodded in agreement, barely saying anything. He had his usual dead face and began to poke his nose.

'_WE LOOK LIKE WE COULD BE THE SAME AGE,_' Hijikata exclaimed to himself. He was annoyed but he held himself together.

"Hijikata Toushiro," he managed to say, with difficulty. He took a big gulp before finishing: "And you are?"

"Zurako desu."

Gintoki still didn't say anything. He was just observing now.

Hijikata store into Zurako's eyes, and Zurako store into Hijikata's. It was so tense.

"Your innocent. You may go," he quickly concluded.

"OI THAT WAS IT?!" Gintoki complained as Katsura left so casually.

"What's with all the screaming?" a familiar voice was heard. Hijikata knew it was Shinpachi. Shinpachi stepped out of the building dressed as a woman. As soon as Shinpachi realized Hijikata was there, he changed his voice out of panic. "Uh er, hi there."

Then Kagura came out of the building. She was normal dressed though. Hijikata didn't say anything.

'_So he really was hiding Shinpachi's honor_' Hijikata realized. He closed his eyes, lit a cigarette, and turned around.

"This never happened…" Hijikata told the yorozuya, without looking back at them, and then he left.

"We should be the ones saying that…" Shinpachi mumbled.

**MEANWHILE AT THE HQ...**

Shinsengumi member #12: "Okita-san, where did you put the okama stakeout plan for this QS3 game?"

The END \(^.^)/

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*QS3 - equivalent to the PS3

*CoD Ghost - lol

*Los Santos - GTA 5

I'm sorry lol

Fancy Japanese terms I used:

*Abunai - Dangerous

*Okama - gay man


End file.
